The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
