Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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