you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
