I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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