Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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