this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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