he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
