Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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