he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
whose ass print is on the piano?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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