I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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