Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
