Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
