Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
