There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
