She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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