What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Randomize
