apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
