Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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