Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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