that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm bleeding and have questions
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
