I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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