Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
