My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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