dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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