We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
