Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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