but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
