sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
