You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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