Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
birth control should be required to get into college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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