Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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