Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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