god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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