Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize