Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
