so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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