So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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