got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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