I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
