We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
