Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
