he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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