babies were throwing up all over the place
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
