I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
