They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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