I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish you could order shots online.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
