your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
