I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
