I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
