I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
