mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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