i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize