If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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