i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm always down for nudity.
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