I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
