yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
