It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
