I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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