These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
