i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I touched a dick in church today
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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