i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
