I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
