it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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