so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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