i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
