She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she was concerned about my dick piercings.