I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.