I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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