There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
