it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
