I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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