Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
