If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
