Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
