My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
