That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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