Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
